Self Confidence

Ian Paul Marshall —  April 2, 2010 — 5 Comments

Build Your Self Confidence

Self Confidence

If your looking for ways to build your self confidence, improve your self esteem, and boost your will power then try these 25 self confidence building tips in your life now. I warn you, this article on self-confidence is a big one.

Self confidence, is it something your born with or can you learn ways to boost it?

Are you stuck being a timid wallflower for the rest of your life?

Or can you become Captain Confidence?

Do we have the ability to push our own personal boundaries and learn simple techniques to build our self confidence steadily over time?

Or are we doomed to suffer silently as we watch the world pass us by?

I personally think that we all have a certain base line of self confidence. And that over time we can nudge our overall self confidence factor forward bit by bit.

So what does self confidence mean anyway? For the most part the concept of self confidence or personal confidence relates to one’s own feeling of:

  • Groundedness
  • Safety
  • Security
  • Competence

In his book, The Motivated Mind, Professor Raj Persaud believes that true self confidence comes from an internal attitude where you:

Promise yourself, no matter how difficult the problem life throws at you, that you will try as hard as you can to help yourself. You acknowledge that sometimes your efforts to help yourself may not result in success…

In other words, self confidence is really the art of believing in yourself. That you’re ready, willing and able to accomplish what you set your mind to do. That you KNOW that you can overcome any obstacle or challenge that life presents you with. And that if you happen to stumble along the way or fall short of your goal you can do so with humility, humor, and a keen insight to learn from what you’ve just experienced.

I think that Marianne Williamson said it beautifully in her book ‘A Return To Love‘. She said that, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?  Actually, who are you not to be?  You are a child of God.  Your playing small does not serve the world.  There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.  We are all meant to shine, as children do.  We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.  It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.  And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

So if you’re feeling energetic and courageous enough to do some groundwork on building up yourself and developing greater self confidence here’s 25 tips and tactics to get you started.

25 Super Actions You Can Do Right Now To Build Your Self Confidence

These self confidence tips are in no particular order…

  1. Remember The Good Times
    Use a good feeling memory of an achievement as a jumping off point. There’s got to be a memory stored somewhere in your brain that makes you feel good. One where you succeeded at something. It doesn’t have to be something huge like winning a gold medal at the Olympics. It just has to be powerful enough to make you feel good. Then you can use that feeling and memory to help build your future successes.
  2. Dress For Success
    Wear clothes that make you feel good about yourself. And don’t wear clothes that don’t make you feel good. Take the time to look good and magically you’ll start to feel good and your confidence will rise.
  3. Stand Tall
    Slouching looks horrible and really drains us energetically. It sends out the message that you don’t believe in yourself. Now you don’t have to stand up ruler straight like a drill Sargent, but try to stand tall with your shoulders back. Your energy will flow a little freer and you’ll feel a little more confident every time that you do.
  4. Look Others In The Eyes
    “The eyes are the windows to the soul.”, so the saying goes. Try to look people in the eye when you talk to them. You don’t have to get into a staring contest with them. But engage them by connecting to them at another level. A deeper and more personal level. And remember what Tyra says, “Smile with your eyes.”
  5. Let Other People Do The Talking
    If you have trouble starting conversations or talking to people this is a great tip that will bring you lots of friends. You ever notice that people love talking about themselves if given the chance? So give them that chance. Take a keen interest in other people’s lives. Ask them about their hopes and fears. Get deep into their world.
  6. Smile
    Mother Teresa said that, “Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.” So start to smile, even if you don’t feel like it. You’ll not only make other people feel happy but you’ll quietly be shifting your own energy as well.
  7. Be OK With Failure
    Fail fast, fail often, fail now. The people who succeed are the ones who fail the most. The big difference though is that they dust themselves off and try again. Michael Jordan, had this to say about confidence and being OK with failure, “I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.”
  8. Breathe
    Just a few deep breathes can really make a huge difference in a stress filled moment and for the rest of your day. A couple of deep belly breathes can reduce stress, release endorphins, increase blood flow, give you clarity, relax your muscles, shut down racing thoughts, and even increase your energy.
  9. What’s The Worst That Can Happen
    We make mountains out of molehills. Our minds love to race off creating worse case scenarios. Then we let those fantasies and fears rule our world. So for a moment why not entertain these doomsday scenarios. The trick though is to not get caught up in the doom and gloom. Try to quickly come up with some solutions if those things did happen and see how you could actually be OK with anything that really comes along.
  10. Think Happy Thoughts
    I know it sounds corny but it works. Zig Ziglar said that, “It’s not your aptitude, but your attitude, that determines your altitude.”
  11. Mastermind
    Working with people who support you is a huge boost to your self-confidence. Napoleon Hill, the grand-daddy of the self-help movement was a big believer in creating, maintaining and nurturing Mastermind groups. He said that, “No man can become a permanent success without taking others along with him.” So draw into your life people who will lift you high and start to become accustomed to soaring above the clouds of your own self-doubt.
  12. Rehearse
    How many times do you think President Obama practiced his acceptance speech? Or what about Sidney Crosby the hockey player. How many times do you think he saw himself in overtime scoring the final goal to win the gold medal? I would say hundreds of times for both these examples. Why not put these tactics to use in your life? Especially if you’re about to go into a situation that is super stressful. Rehearse it in the mirror. Rehearse in front of friends and family. You may have to bribe them though. Heck, why not rehearse in front of your cat. It’s an effective way to ground you in the moment and really super charge your self confidence.
  13. Have A Hero
    Do you have a hero? Someone you look up to for inspiration? They don’t have to be alive or even in your immediate network of friends. But they do have to be able to inspire you when you’re down. Someone that you can turn to within your minds eye, and ask, “What would Paulo Coelho do?” Substitute Paulo for someone who’s a hero for you.
  14. Become a Toastmaster
    The number one fear in the world is public speaking. Why not turn that concept on it’s head and use the power that you’ll gain from mastering this art to your advantage? I have to say that I love Toastmasters. It’s a great way to really push your envelop, gain confidence, get constructive feedback, and meet a bunch of great people. Toastmasters is a nonprofit organization that boasts nearly 250,000  members in more than 12,500 clubs in 106 countries, offering a proven – and enjoyable! – way to practice and hone communication and leadership skills.
  15. Visualize A Confident Self
    I remember reading a story in The Laws of Success by Napoleon Hill where a man changed his life completely by using this technique. He really wanted to build his self-confidence so every night he worked on this in the workshop of his mind. He would imagine people he admired sitting around a giant table. Each person was there because of a different trait that this man wanted to have as his own. And every night he would imagine that these people would transfer their knowledge, wisdom and power to him.
  16. Get Some Training
    A lot of the time we feel insecure because we’re entering into foreign territory. Doing things that we’ve never done before. So why not take a couple nights out for the next little while and enroll in some personal development courses or workshops. Check out your community college, the learning annex and even
  17. Ask Someone Who’s Done It Before
    In our ever increasing networked world there’s bound to be someone in your sphere if influence who has the experience your looking for. Why not send them a quick message and ask for a little guidance? You’d be surprised at the responses you’ll get.
  18. Clear Your Clutter
    “Cluttered space, cluttered mind.” Take some time to clear out your clutter. Indirectly and at a subtle level this will relieve your mental tension. Lama Ole Nydahl says that the clear light of mind, “Naturally expresses fearlessness, joy, and compassion and remains effortless and spontaneous in whatever happens.”
  19. Baby Steps
    You don’t need to make big, giant, sweeping changes in your life. Usually these don’t work anyways. Take small, purposeful and consistent action toward your goal of self improvement. Taking baby steps is a quick and easy way to tackle your problems and learn from your experiences.
  20. Exercise
    It’s a counter intuitive principle, “Expend energy and your feel more energetic.” And when you’re full of energy your natural confidence level increases dramatically. I know, ‘Who has the time to exercise nowadays?’ Well everyone does. You’ve just got to get crafty with the time you do have. When I was first learning Tai Chi I would practice every where. On subway platforms, waiting for the bus, on the elevator, during commercials.
  21. The Mirror Exercise
    “Mirror mirror on the wall…” I’m not sure where this technique originated but it can work wonders in your life to increase your self esteem. It’s easy to do and you can start and end your day with it. Go to the washroom or your bedroom. Lock the door. Stand in front of the mirror. Stare deeply into your own eyes. Take a few deep breaths. Then say something like this out loud and with feeling, “I love you ______.” or “______ you are amazing.” Be sure to use your name. It’s weird at first but over time you’ll love it!
  22. Go To Bed Early
    Go to sleep! Step away from the TV. Turn off the infomercials. You don’t need a Snuglee. Try to go to bed at a decent time. Create a wind down process and ease into your dreams. A simple wind down process would look something like this: Turn TV off at 9:30. Visualize your self confidence goals. Go for an epsom salt bath(20mins). Do some light (fiction) reading(20-30mins).  Do some body breathing exercises. Go to sleep.
  23. Get Up Early
    “Early to bed and early to rise.” is a saying that I’m really starting to take to heart. There’s nothing fun about starting your day in a mad blur of anxiety and stress as you rush around your house trying to get ready for work. Why not get up a little earlier than usual? Ease into your day. Calmly stroll into work. Have some breakfast even. Normally people wouldn’t think of getting up early as a way to sky rocket your self confidence. But anything that you can do for yourself to eliminate stress and anxiety in your life will always be beneficial.
  24. Reward Yourself
    You have a goal right? To become captain confidence! And you’re going to create an action plan from this little list here right? Well why not chunk down your goal into bite sized steps? Then once you accomplish one, throw a party! Well maybe not a party but why not toast to your success over dinner? It’ll feel good and steadily you’ll be adding more and more accomplishments to your life.
  25. Give Thanks
    Gratitude is a master key to self confidence. Being able to be grateful for something, I mean anything in your life, fills you with positive energy and draws into your life more things to be grateful for. So find something to be thankful for. Really fall into that feeling. Then extend that energy throughout your day. Share your thanks and appreciation easily with your friends and family. Give thanks for the little things. Even something as simple as giving honest thanks to someone who held the door open for you.

Did I miss any? Is there anything that you personally do to turbo charge your self confidence? Please share below!

“Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.” ~ E.E. Cummings


Your Manic Motivator

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